Tuesday, 10 May 2011

WOW does this suck!

May 10th and day 37 of my chemotherapy adventure and I'm a week away from the beginning of round 3! I have to say I'm really not looking forward to it either. I'm feeling better each day since the end of round 2 but it has been a struggle this time.  The side effects this round have been the same as round 1 except the fatigue has been incredible.  I don't think that I slept this much as a teenager! Each day I am feeling better and I can't say that my appetite has decreased at all.  During the week of the treatment I have no appetite and eating is a real struggle but after the first week, if I am awake I'm eating.  I can't remember a time ever in my life when I have been so hungry. I'm sure that I'm the first person who is gaining weight on chemotherapy.  At this point my mind has been in less than stellar shape but I've just listened to my body and eat and sleep is all it seems to want.

It has been a while since I've updated my blog as it's been challenging to formulate a thought when I want to write.  I can say that emotionally this is a real struggle.  Life around me doesn't stop, in fact it seems to be rushing by and doesn't seem to include me right now.  I don't say this because I'm down or feeling bad, it's just tough to be part of the routine of life when all I can do is eat and sleep.  It has been great that some of my friends have been able to drag me out or stop by for a visit from time to time. I do wish that I could keep up with the amount of friends that want to touch base with me.  It's overwhelming at times the amount of people in my present and from my past who send such support and who want to touch base with me.  To all of you I will get back to you when I can.

Round 3 starts Monday May 16th and I can honestly say that I think I would rather cut off my own foot than do another round of this! However, I will do it and I will get through it.  It still amazes me to think how chemotherapy works.  The drugs they give me are, in combination, designed to kill any new cell development in my body.  So for the last 37 days my body has been poisoned with the intent of killing any new growth including cancer cells.  By the end of all of this my hope is that there is more of me left than the cancer!  It really is a case of what doesn't kill me doesn't make me stronger, but may save my life.

For now I will say things are on course, I am doing well (all things considered) and that I really do appreciate all the love and support from all of you.  I'm looking forward to getting to the end of this and joining you all back in living life. So for now I will say I'm also thinking of all of you and that I do cherish all the good thoughts. And as always Love you All!